Comparison Is the Thief of Joy: Finding Peace in Your Own Path

The Trap of Measuring Yourself Against Others Can Steal Your Happiness—Here’s How I Broke Free

For much of my life, I carried a heavy burden: the nagging sense that I was never enough. I looked at people in higher positions—whether in their careers, skills, or social standing—and saw them as superior, while I felt small, inferior, like a schmuck who didn’t measure up. I recall a coworker that I never worked with before criticising my promotion, which initially distressed me so much I almost declined it. Thankfully, I managed to ignore the negativity and focus on my own path. It was only years later that I learned the very person who criticised me was still stuck in the same role doing the same thing he hated.

If someone knew something I didn’t, I’d spiral into self-doubt and self-sabotage, convinced I should know more, be more, do more. Comparison was my constant companion, and it was, as the saying goes, the thief of joy.

I remember vividly how this mindset shaped my early years. Growing up, I’d see others with talents I lacked—public speaking, technical know-how, or even confidence—and I’d shrink further into myself. It wasn’t just envy; it was a deep belief that their abilities made them better, and my lack of those skills made me less. I’d walk away from conversations feeling defeated, judging myself harshly for not being as polished or knowledgeable as others. For 40 years, I lived in this cycle, always measuring my worth against someone else’s yardstick.

But something shifted. I started to look within, and what I found changed everything. There was a part of me I’d never truly explored—a spark of strength, a quiet authority that didn’t need external validation. It was like meeting myself for the first time. I began to see that everything I wanted—confidence, purpose, joy, prosperity—was already within me, waiting to be cultivated. This wasn’t an overnight revelation; it was hard-won, built through years of introspection and effort. Slowly, I became at ease with who I was and what I had become.

This journey taught me a powerful truth: comparison robs us of joy because it pulls us away from our unique path. Joy means different things to each of us—how could I ever compare my version to someone else’s? For me, joy now lives in my three core pillars that guide my life: faith/spirituality, global events/politics, and wellness. These are my anchors, and I no longer feel the need to measure them against anyone else’s values or achievements. Instead, I focus on where I “clocked off” yesterday—my own progress, my own growth.

The Cost of Comparison

Comparison isn’t just a fleeting thought; it’s a mindset that can trap you for years. When we compare, we’re not just looking at someone else’s highlight reel—we’re dismissing our own story. If social media has demonstrated one thing, it is that. I used to think people in higher positions or with skills I didn’t have were inherently better. But that’s a lie. Their path isn’t mine, and their strengths don’t diminish my own. Comparison creates a false hierarchy, making us feel inferior when, in reality, we’re all just different.

This mindset has real consequences. It breeds envy, self-doubt, and a sense of scarcity, as if there’s not enough success or joy to go around. It stops us from celebrating our wins and appreciating our unique gifts. For me, it meant decades of feeling like I was falling short, even when I was making progress in my own way.

Breaking Free: My Journey to Self-Acceptance

The turning point came when I stopped looking outward for validation and started looking within. I began to nurture that inner spark—the part of me that felt like my own authority. It wasn’t easy. It took discipline, reflection, and a willingness to sit with discomfort. I had to unlearn the habit of judging myself after every conversation, replacing it with grace. I learned to walk away from interactions without beating myself up, trusting that I brought something valuable to the table, even if it wasn’t perfect.

One practical step was defining my own measure of success. For me, that meant focusing on faith/spirituality, politics, and wellness. These pillars gave me a framework to build my life around, not someone else’s. Faith connected my soul to a deeper sense of purpose, politics gave me a voice to engage with the world, and wellness reminded me to care for my body and mind. By pouring energy into these areas, I stopped caring about how I stacked up against others. My only competition was the person I was yesterday.

How to Reclaim Your Joy

If comparison has been stealing your joy, here are some steps to break free, based on what worked for me:

1. Look Within: Spend time reflecting on your own values and strengths. What makes you you? For me, it was discovering that inner authority, that spark I’d ignored for years. Try journaling for 10 minutes a day to connect with your inner voice.

2. Define Your Pillars: Identify what matters most to you—maybe it’s family, creativity, or personal growth. These are your anchors. For me, faith, politics, and wellness became my guideposts, giving me clarity and purpose.

3. Measure Against Yourself: Stop comparing to others and start comparing to your past self. Ask, “Am I growing? Am I moving forward?” Celebrate small wins—they add up.

4. Practice Grace: After a conversation or experience, resist the urge to judge yourself. Instead, ask, “Did I show up authentically?” That’s enough.

5. Build What You Lack: If you envy someone’s skills, see it as a sign of what you want to create. I used to feel inferior to people with certain knowledge, but I realized I could learn, grow, and build those skills myself.

Your Joy, Your Path

Comparison is a thief, but it doesn’t have to win. For me, letting go of it meant embracing my own journey, flaws and all. It meant realizing that joy isn’t a one-size-fits-all prize—it’s personal, shaped by what lights you up. My pillars of faith, politics, and wellness are mine; yours might be different, and that’s the beauty of it.

Today, I don’t need to compare myself to anyone else. I focus on where I am compared to yesterday, and that’s enough. You have everything within you to create the life you want. Stop looking outward for permission or validation. Your joy is waiting—go claim it.

To circle back to my opening paragraph, before I left Brisbane in 2004 for a three-month stint in Melbourne to chase a significant promotion (that lasted 17 years), I reached out to my former coworker who criticised me with a simple message: “Thanks for recognising my growth.” It might as well have been speaking Swahili because he didn’t grasp a word of it. But that was okay—I understood what I meant, and that was enough.

What’s one area of your life where you can let go of comparison and focus on your own growth?

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If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to join me for more reflections on what it means to be human. A warm thank you to my paid supporters—your generosity fuels my passion for weaving these words. Please share your thoughts below or pass this along to someone navigating their own beautiful, messy journey through life.